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Sometimes I enjoy being sad

I enjoy the sinking feeling of my heart,
that feels as if it would collapse at any moment

I enjoy crying in my room,
where my sadness is mine and only mine to feel

I enjoy the salty taste of my tears,
that inevitably smudges my hastily-done makeup

I enjoy the horrible thoughts that surface,
those that usually stay at the back of my mind at any and every time of the day

I enjoy the feeling after sadness,
and realising how such little things could possibly make me feel so much

I enjoy in hurting over the little things,
because it is only then that I am so appreciative of everything else

I enjoy the pain,
because in that moment - I am alive