let's just say it was life-changing,

3rd March 2012 - BEAST's first solo concert in Singapore.

It was an amazing experience despite the bad things that happened throughout the day (lol my eyes welled up with tears when they picked this fugly fangirl to go on stage and sang to her and gave her gifts and took polaroid shots with her and hugged her and basically a whole porno on stage for all of us to see). Because at the end of the concert, Yong Junhyung, the freaking swagger rapper of Beast, looked at our banner, looked us in the eye, full 10 seconds, singing to us. Everyone else may think that he was looking at them, but I just KNOW that he was looking at us because he gave that darn sexy smirk when he read our banner which said "Junhyung ah, come here! We have coke for you!" It probably wasn't the type of fan banner that he saw often with all the "sarang hae"s and "oppa oppa"s. It was different, and he knew it, and that's why we had that 10 seconds to ourself that no one had :')

It was just a few seconds, but it made me so, SO happy :D

On another note, I had an incredibly thought provoking conversation with Xuan and Jon today. Thoughts of our inferiority and wanting to chase our dreams but so deathly afraid of people's opinions of us and leaving this country and everything and everyone behind to become someone everyone said we could never be.

It really got me thinking about how I've wasted the past 18 years of my life away living within the shadows of others and allowing people to put down my dreams. Assuming I'm going to live to be a 100 years old, I've already wasted almost 1/5 of my life away and that's a lot. The only person that can change me is myself and I think it's time for me abuse this ability to the fullest. We only live life once, and I don't want to be ashamed of the person that I am anymore. I thank God for Xuan and Jon so much because I had never expected anybody in this entire world to ever understood how I felt. But they did, and they're going through the same things that I am. I thank God for this opportunity for the three of us to be a pillar in each others' lives as we start working towards our dreams and changing our lives together.

It's going to be a long and tiring journey, but I'm glad I'll have them by my side :)