Despite liking to stay home and have Supernatural series marathon alone, a part of my secretly knows that I'm only like this because I don't have many friends to turn to. All the time, I put on the cool and cynical act because too few people would bother getting to know me and my quirks and tantrums and insensitive words.
I want so much more than what I have now. So many things that I desire, yet I know that they're not mine because of my attitude towards things and people.
Granted, I'm unfriendly and it takes me an incredibly long time for me to trust someone enough and to get close to them. But the harsh truth of this world is that nobody can be bothered to stay long enough to get to really know you.
Which is why I'm incredibly glad to have my primary school clique (Debs, Jer, Chun, Andre, Mark, Ray, Mario & Darren) because they knew before I became the person I am today. I'm so glad to have them in my lives when they knew me at a time when I didn't have as much self-image issues and when I was more open to getting to know people. I'm so incredibly blessed to have them in my lives for these past 8-12 years, though we don't keep in touch and meet up as much, I know that I'll always be able to fall back on them no matter what.
Also, I'm blessed to have known some of my church friends from my DARE days (Jes, Allinda, Fel, Kenneth) because they knew me at a time when I was embracing life and just enjoying what I have. They said I used to be a friendlier and happier person than I am now, and part of me just wondered what happened along the way. Despite the fact that they've seen me change so much as a person over the years, I'm glad that they stuck by me and never left. I'm not the easiest friend to have, but I'm glad they stayed. These people are such godly kingdom friends and it would literally tear my heart out if I ever lost any of them.
Though I feel like I have so little and I yearn for so much more, I still feel blessed.
The saying is true ya know? I'd rather a few close friends, then many fake ones.
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