Kingdom fucking friends,

I have this group of church friends I used to hang out with a lot, until I stopped going to church as often as I used to. They call themselves my "kingdom friends", i.e point me back to Jesus, always there for me, accept me for who I am, pray for me, share testimonies with me yada yada etc. I just think they don't like me as much because I've stopped going to church (I only go back once in a while), and I'm not as involved in their lives as much anymore simply because I don't see them as often. Maybe I'm not holy enough for them anymore. Or at least, I've stop pretending to be.

However, I didn't think that meant that I was completely cut off. But apparently that seems to be the case. We used to have a Whatsapp group (only 3 of us in it) and it used to buzz with messages all the time with all sorts of ridiculous shit. But now, it's been silent for weeks, maybe even months, because they message each other directly instead, and perhaps they just weren't interested in maintaining a friendship with me anymore.

Yet recently, they've asked me along to go on a holiday with them. And I said yes, because I didn't think too much into it. But now, seeing how often they talk to each other and hanging out together (mind you, we used to go out on a daily basis even if just for a meal) without me, and suddenly asking me along for a holiday?

Why didn't I even suspect before, that they were just using me?

Because they knew I'd say yes.
Because they knew I was desperate for a getaway.
Because they knew my holiday habits (we've been on a couple of trips together).
Because they knew I'm one of the few girls left in church they could get along with (and can afford the trip).
Because they knew I was one of the few people who wouldn't discourage them from drinking/swearing.
Because they knew I was a convenient choice.

But now that I've already paid for the trip, I'm not gonna cancel it. I'm gonna see where it takes me. I'm gonna plaster a smile to my face. I'm gonna it enjoy as much as I possibly can. I guess things will never be the same for us again, not as long as I'm not back in church, but I'll see how this goes.