When grades bring out our ugly side,

I hate this.

It's 1.15am and I'm still wide awake doing my bcomm meeting minutes. It's really draining and I haven't the slightest clue in what I'm supposed to do. I'm probably gonna screw this up again, just like how I always screw everything else up.

I hate how I'm so distrusting towards people and am constantly doubting if they're ever going to do things right. I guess this is why I volunteered and insisted that I do the meeting minutes alone, simply because I want things done my way and I don't trust anyone else to do a better job than I can (as egoistic as that sounds). The way I choose to do things may come across as two-faced, but I've learnt it the hard way that some people are only good to be friends with, but not to be project mates with.

I just don't want to regret when my results come back and all I can do is push the blame on others for how badly I did. In this case, if I do badly, then I only have myself to blame and I wouldn't have any regrets at all.

To have things within my control is something that is so important to me. It shows that I can actually have a firm grip on something and that I'm actually good at it. I've had enough of feeling like a good for nothing and I absolutely had enough of disappointments.

Disappointments when people promise to do their best but their best simply isn't enough for me.
Disappointments when people promise to do something but always breaking their promise in the end.
Disappointments when I constantly find myself feeling disappointed because I trusted others too much.

I may be an egoistic selfish bitch but I'm not about to let anyone ruin my grades. Anyone except me, of course.