Jesus trancends all negativity,

I was just doing some thinking, and I've come to realise how much pent up negativity has been brewing within me the past few weeks.

All these negativity has led me to having all these vastly depressing thoughts. These thoughts where I feel like I'm never good enough, nobody appreciates me, nobody genuinely cares about me, and how nobody actually gives a flying fuck about me.

I have so many other thoughts, especially about the people around me. But yet, I find myself keeping it all inside of me and never letting it out. I'm always going to have to be the mature one in each and every friendship that I'm in. I'm never going to be able to say what I want. I always find myself keeping all my opinions to myself. Because I know if I ever say anything, my words hold so much power and all I'll see is people getting hurt. I will always, always gonna be the bad guy no matter what I do.

I'm so tired of it. For once, I just want to be the irrational one in a friendship. I want to be the one to say and do stupid things. I want to be the one where I'm always forgiven. I want to be the one whom people will never be too harsh on.

At times like these, all I really wanna do is seek Jesus. I want to seek His love, the love that I know will transcend all these hideous thoughts brewing in my mind. I need the patience and tolerance that Jesus had to deal with all these people around me. I probably wouldn't even be sane if it weren't for Him who's guiding me through every step of the way, though my faith may seem to falter.

Now that the Common Test week is coming up, followed by a 2-week break, I'm just glad to be away from most people for a while.